


Undeclared

by turtlesparadise



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-29 16:46:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6384460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtlesparadise/pseuds/turtlesparadise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nida has always been a dedicated student, and now that he has passed the SeeD exam, he finds that he still has no idea what it is he wants to do.   Aki gives him some unexpected personal insight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undeclared

**Author's Note:**

> Aki here is based upon my Tumblr RP version of him because let's face it, he's literally skippable in the game and even if you do encounter him in the game he has two lines of boring and terse dialogue. SO this is all 99.9% my headcanon for Aki, and Nida is based upon xuofhearts' RP version thereof.
> 
> ALSO I have always felt that Cid's words to Nida were probably well-intentioned but actually sort of misguided and terrible? Maybe it's just me, but anyway - "You're great, even if nobody notices you" was my takeaway from that, in a glass-half-empty view I suppose. So I have a lot of feelings about that tiny little scene and, well, here we are.

* * *

 

" _Do your best, even if you don't stand out._ "  

Cid's words were supposed to be helpful, encouraging, but the more Nida brooded over them, it stung.  And yet he didn't want to stand out, he wanted to be part of the team - an important part of the team, but that was not really his way.  He liked working alone, independently, occasionally having to deal with the others but not consistently.  Nida was somewhat of a loner, and most of the time he was okay with that. 

Except now, when his introverted nature seemed to have the potential to negatively impact his future.  Nida wasn't entirely anti-social; he simply preferred to deal with people in small doses, and he didn't exactly want a leadership role like the one Squall had fallen into. 

He needed to find his niche, and simply couldn't; everyone else had seemed to figure things out for themselves in the past year or even earlier, specializing in a weapon or a fighting style,  _something_.   And now that Nida had passed the SeeD exam and had done reasonably well, he  _still_  hadn't figured out a career path for himself.  It was like going to university and never declaring a major.  Feeling somewhat restless, Nida went to the training center for a bit, fought a few monsters without much effort and still found his thoughts wandering in circles.

 _I can't stand this...I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin.  I don't even know what I'm doing here, sometimes._ Nida walked down the corridor, back toward his dorm, head down, when he heard a low voice murmur his name, greeting him.

_"Hello, Nida - "_

It was Instructor Aki, not attired in his usual expensive suit, as Nida was used to seeing him wearing  The instructor was in a close-fitting tank and running shorts, a towel flung around his neck and a water bottle in his hand; clearly he'd just finished a workout in the fitness center.  Nida stopped, nodded and stared. 

"Uh....hi, Mr. Aki,"  he muttered, finally finding his voice.  "How - how are you?"     _Shut up, Nida!_  he screamed at himself inwardly.  This was getting worse by the minute.   He'd been out of sorts all week, ever since the exam, thinking he'd be able to figure out the rest of his life now that he was officially ranked.  And now he just  _had_  to run into Aki; anytime he was around the man he felt strange, self-conscious, and Nida didn't quite know why.

There were quite a lot of things Nida had yet to figure out for himself, and it frustrated him to no end.

"I'm doing well," Aki replied, and smiled.  "Now that the semester has ended, I don't quite know what to do with myself."  He shrugged, took a slug from his water bottle.

"Huh.  I know the feeling," Nida muttered and sighed.   Aki leaned a shoulder against the wall and frowned.

"Anything you want to talk about?"  Aki offered.   "I'm willing to lend an ear."

Nida sighed.  "No, it's okay - I don't want to  _bother you_  - "   He felt his face burn a bit, he didn't  _like_  being the object of scrutiny, though he told himself that Aki was just saying this to be polite.  He'd probably show the same kindness to any of his former students, probably.

Aki smiled, shook his head.  "It's no problem at all.  We're right near my office, if you just wanted to stop by - " 

Funny how Aki seemed to be so different outside of class, Nida thought.  More relaxed, but maybe that was because term had ended.

"You mean  _right now_?"  Nida blurted, and instantly wanted to kick himself for sounding so idiotic.

"Well - I do need to grab a shower,"  Aki laughed, hand sweeping sweat-soaked bangs out of his eyes.  "But I really don't mind, Nida.  You were always one of my best students," he added, chewing his lip thoughtfully.   "Anything I can do to help - "

"Maybe...later?"  Nida ventured doubtfully.

 "Give me ten-fifteen minutes, and meet me in my office?"  Aki offered, much to Nida's surprise.

"Ah - okay,"  Nida replied, suddenly hyper-aware that he  _stunk_ after battling all manner of monsters in the training center.  "I can do that.  Actually...I kind of need to grab a shower.  I'm kind of....gross."

Aki laughed -  _loudly_  - and Nida suddenly realized that he'd never heard the man laugh like that before. 

It was kind of nice, actually.

"See you then,"  Aki agreed, departing with a smile and a wave of his hand.

 

* * *

 

 Aki half-expected for Nida not to show up at all; it happened now and then, where a student would make an appointment for counseling, and never show up.  This was slightly different; classes were over, graduation was imminent, and Nida hadn't been Aki's student for several terms now anyway.

He frowned at the contents on top of his desk, and decided to get to work on cleaning out a year's worth of detritus, whether or not Nida showed up.  Aki grabbed a waste bin and a recycling bin, and set them side-by-side.  He began setting up piles to keep, piles to dispose of, and a third pile that had a big question mark surrounding it.  Aki became so engrossed in sorting that he barely heard Nida's light tap on the door not ten minutes later.

"Come in," Aki said, pointing to a chair, groaning as he spotted a pile of folders sitting upon it and grabbed them out of the way.  "Sorry - it's always a mess at end of term."

"It's okay,"  Nida shrugged.  "It's not really that bad, you know."   _You should see **my**  room_, he thought, amused.  Aki's tiny piles of clutter hardly qualified as a  _mess_.  Nida realized that he had never been to the instructor's office before, though it was just as he'd always pictured it.  Small but tidy, a few personal effects here and there; most notable was a large display rack of swords on two of the walls, one hanging just above Aki's head. 

The desk was tidy as well, and a side table held a small coffeemaker and an electric teakettle.  Nida grinned; caffeine intake at Balamb garden was incredibly high, and he was glad to know Aki shared at least  _one_  of his vices.

"So....looking forward to graduation this weekend?"  Aki began as he took his seat.  He poured out water into a teacup and added a green powder, asked Nida if he would like a cup of tea as well.  He nodded.

"Yeah, well - that's kind of what I wanted to talk about, actually,"  Nida replied.  He swallowed hard, braced his hands on his knees as he leaned back in his chair.  Why was this so hard, to talk about himself?  Nida felt  _incredibly_  self-conscious and awkward, but he also felt he could tell Aki what was on his mind, and that Aki would  _listen_.   "About graduation."

"Mm,"  Aki murmured, nodding.  "Go on..."   He listened as he poured out tea for Nida who took it quickly, grateful to have something for his hands to do.  He felt jittery and jumpy, restless.

"Well - I feel like I should have figured things out by now,"  Nida went on, wrapping his hands around the cup of tea.  "Like, I'm good at a lot of things?  But I haven't found  _one_  thing that I excel in.  It seems like everyone else has it together, they know what they want to do, and I - I  _don't_."   It felt good for Nida to finally vocalize it, but at the same time, he felt like a failure.    "Mr. Aki?  Can I ask you something?"

"Of course,"  Aki replied, surprised.  "Please...you can just call me Aki.  We're not in class," he added with an easy smile.

"All right.  Uh. Aki..."  Nida cleared his throat.  "When did you figure out you wanted to be a teacher?  Like, did you always know?"

"Hardly,"  Aki chuckled.  "I do know how you're feeling, though.  You're thinking that now because you've passed the SeeD exam, you should be having some light-bulb moment where you figure out  _exactly_  what you want to do with the rest of your life?"

"Yeah!"  Nida replied.  Finally, someone got it – who the hell knew it would be Aki?   "And...like I said -  it seems like everyone else knows what they want to do - "

"First of all, don't  _worry_  about everyone else,"  Aki cut in.  Easier said than done, he knew that much, but it was something he tried to stress with all students.  He sipped his tea, thoughtful, then sighed.  "As for me...a career as an instructor is not at all what I had planned.  When I first met the headmaster, I was working in a forge - as a blacksmith's apprentice.  Mostly, I made swords, and eventually gunblades."

"Oh...you did?"  Nida had never known that about Aki, really; he'd only heard that Cid had recruited him as one of Garden's first instructors, but he didn't know  _how_ , or from  _where_.   "Did you make all of these?" he asked, pointing to the rack on his left, and the one above Aki's head. 

"Most, though not all,"  Aki nodded.  "There a few over there...those are collector's pieces.”  He gestured toward the display rack closer to Nida.   “Those bottom two aren’t mine - "  He sat back, relaxed in his chair, smiling as he folded his fingers around the small and comforting cup of tea, inhaled the steam for a bit.   "I'm sure you don't want to hear me prattle on about the art of sword-making, though - "

Nida shrugged.  "It sounds pretty cool, actually."   He stretched, cracked his neck to the side, somewhat-relaxed-yet-not-completely, with Aki.  It was weird, feeling like he could actually  _talk_  to someone about things; some fairly important things.  

"Why'd you give it up, though?"  Nida asked, suddenly curious.  "Making swords, I mean.  These are really good - "  He couldn't quite picture Aki working in a forge; Nida had only ever seen him in an academic setting, always impeccably dressed in a suit unless he was conducting a drill.  Nida was fairly certain Aki even steam-pressed the _dobok_ he wore for martial arts training.

"Honestly?  It was somewhat of a surprise.  I'd never intended on giving up my apprenticeship, actually.  I was given an opportunity to teach, after the headmaster commissioned several swords from me - a couple of custom gunblades among them.  When they were ready - I gave him a quick demonstration on the proper way to hold it, how to care for it - and Cid said 'have you ever given any thought to teaching?'  Of course I hadn't."

"But you always wanted to make swords, right?" Nida interrupted.  

"Actually, _no_ ,"  Aki shook his head.  "That was another opportunity that just...happened.  I was supposed to go into the family business," he explained.  "My father made furniture."

"That sounds boring,"  Nida blurted, and then quickly apologized.  "Sorry - "

"No, you're exactly right,"   Aki laughed.  "It  _was_  boring.  For me, anyway.  Listen - what I'm trying to get at here, in a  _horribly_  roundabout way, is that sometimes you don't choose your path, not consciously.  Sometimes, what you're meant to be, what you're meant to do - it'll find  _you_.  What interests you, Nida?  Don't think about it in terms of a job, just - in general."

Nida shrugged and leaned back; he tipped his head all the way back, staring at ceiling for a moment and sighed. He felt weirdly self-conscious suddenly - he didn't really  _like_  talking about himself, even though Aki seemed perfectly willing to listen.  

"I....like to take things apart.  And rebuild them.  Engines, carburetors and things.  But - "     He sat back upright, looked at Aki with a hapless half-grin.   "That's not really a SeeD thing, that's like....engineering.  There's nothing like that for me to do... _here_."

"I wouldn't say that,"  Aki said tapping his chin thoughtfully, considering. 

"But I'm a _SeeD_ ,"  Nida argued.  "I haven't trained for anything else." 

“That doesn’t matter,”  Aki pointed out.  “I didn’t train for _this_ either.  I shouldn’t be a n instructor in Balamb Garden…I should be….I don’t know, off making rocking chairs, or _end tables_ – “

 Nida shook his head, looking mildly horrified, and Aki smirked.  “Yes, I know.  _Boring_ ….”   

“Well.  I mean, some people might _like_ doing that – “    Nida finally felt relaxed enough to actually _laugh_.  He felt better, somehow – not _great_ , still uncertain, but definitely better. 

“Some people _might_ ,”  Aki conceded, still smiling.  “Things do have a way of working themselves out, though.  Something will happen…when you least expect it.” 

 "Yeah...maybe it will,"  Nida agreed.  He took that as his cue to leave, and stood, gave the instructor a half-wave.  "Thanks, Aki."

"Anytime, Nida...anytime."  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
